"Just know that you did not fully break me"
Dear bullies,
Remember me? I can't believe I haven't been in touch with you to say this yet, but now its time. I struggle to know how you sleep at night, knowing the unbearable pain you caused to an innocent little girl for all those years. I just want to start off by making it clear that you have actually improved my future. Thanks to you, I've been able to work harder, inspire people, inspire myself and my friends and family. I have not been afraid to say no to opportunities that you could probably only dream of. I have become courageous, strong, and a person that you quite frankly will NEVER be. The light that you stole from that young girl has now returned and I am better and happier than I've ever been before.
I'm not sure what you were hoping to achieve from the persistent laughing, name- calling, death threats and sick jokes you drowning me in, but I have created so much positivity from this like you'll never know. I hope you regret everything you did, because I know my heart is permanently broken. Having to get through the school day was a draining and scary experience; it wasn't the place I belonged. I deserved a loving and happy childhood, but instead you ripped my heart out piece by piece everyday. But just know that you did not fully break me.
You made me believe that I had no place in this world. Your sick and twisted actions will never be admired by anyone. All those times you called me 'ugly,' I hope you know that your actions and your characters at the time were all the definition of ugly. I barely know much about most of you today, but I will never be able to forgive you for the pain you put me through. I'm ashamed to have known people like you, and I hope you are ashamed of how you so disgustingly behaved. You may have destroyed my education and my mental health, but you could never take my happiness that came from elsewhere. My family holidays, playing in a band, my favourite music, seeing my friends, making YouTube videos, playing online games, spending time with my family etc. I was so full of life despite your terrible actions. You can never take my education or my happiness away from me now.
I hope that you do not pass on pain to others now, I hope you feel kindness in your hearts now, I hope that you remember how small you once made someone feel and I hope you have now learnt from it. I can now continue to inspire others with my story which I will never let go unspoken about again.
From the girl you can never hurt again, Lucy.
To myself, I remember the exact spot you were standing when you said to yourself mentally: 'this will get better, I will make it through, I will see the light at the end of tunnel,' and I admire your strength. I know you were still stuck in that classroom which actually felt like a dark cave, surrounded by cruel people with no way out. I remember how scared you were when people made sick and personal jokes about 'your house being on fire,' and telling you that you should never have been born. I remember you telling your Grandma very little of what was going on when she asked you if anyone had ever bullied you because you were scared. Some of the things you had to deal with were unthinkable and unspeakable and they never right. It was ok to speak out and get help, because it was always unacceptable.
I also remember you mumbling "yeah" under your breath when Mum or Dad asked you if you had a good day, and then running up the stairs crying. It was a confusing and troubling time for you. That night you cried so much for the first time is a night I will always remember as true strength. Also, the second day back after you realised these people had turned against you for no reason. Although you could barely speak up for yourself when asked if you were okay, I know deep down you just knew that faith would keep you going. And it did.
I see you uploading Facebook photos and YouTube videos, and watching the hate comments come through one by one. I remember your sister walking in to you crying on your laptop several times. It was ok to cry about this- it was not a sign of weakness, it was a sign of true strength. You were so young, and it was so unfair for these things to be happening to you all at once. You were completely trapped and lost. I can't take back what they did and what they said, but I can continue to make you proud. All the faith that has brought you here today has worked. I'm still here, I'm still happy and healthy. I put everything behind me for the most part, I remember, but I carry on for you. You are completely at peace now.
To conclude, I just want to say thank you 11 year old me for holding on. Thank you for staying strong and writing that inspiring story for that book when you were 14. I'm sure it has helped a lot of people. Thank you for never giving up hope. You stayed and you created a beautiful life for yourself, and still continue to do so.
Love, me x
I've always been quite introverted, I've never really spoken much and other children in my class apparently found me a bit weird, so as a result, I was also the victim of bullying and being taken advantage of at a certain stage in early secondary school. I've got to say, reading this was really quite cathartic. I'm really sorry that you had to endure that, and I'm glad that it's a phase you've been able to leave behind. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! :)
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